i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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