did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
