People in love make me want to vomit
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
