if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
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