I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
