I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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