She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Randomize
