Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
