Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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