May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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