11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
