We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Randomize