just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
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