so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
