conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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