She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
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