I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
