i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
