I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
