Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
