don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
sarcasm needs its own font
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
