I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
