Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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