I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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