the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
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i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
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Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.