it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse