i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
You know, be my cock's hype man.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.