you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
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had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
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So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work