I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.