eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
