I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
