I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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