I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Randomize
