So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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