My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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