Your tits are I can't wait for
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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