the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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