I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
