I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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