I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
