Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
