he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
