Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
