I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
We are two peas in an std pod
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
