people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
