Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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