This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
