I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
