youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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