The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Hippo gnu deer
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
