just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
