Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Randomize
