why didn't you poke me back
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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