I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Randomize
