i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
