Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
