im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
