They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
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