he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
