RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
