we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
