I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
