her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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