mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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