But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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