so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
