I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Randomize
