she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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