hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
