Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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