does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
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