The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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