guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize