the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
